From Conflict to Connections: Building a Stronger Childcare Team
Practical strategies for directors and owners to address staff tension, rebuild trust, and strengthen workplace culture.
Two teachers disagree about cleanup. One feels she does everything. The other feels she is always being criticized. Neither says much directly, but both share their frustrations with coworkers.
Soon, their classroom handoffs become shorter. Important information gets missed. Asking for help feels uncomfortable. The director notices the tension but hopes the teachers will work it out.
Does this sound familiar?
Tension between staff does not stay in the break room. It can show up in classroom routines, staff turnover, and the culture families feel when they walk through your door.
For childcare directors and owners, conflict resolution is part of leading a program where adults can work together and children receive consistent care. You do not need every teacher to become best friends. You do need a team that can address concerns, share responsibilities, and communicate respectfully.
Notice how tension travels
Staff conflict does not always begin with an argument. Sometimes it starts with a concern that never gets addressed: a late break, an unfinished closing task, or a teaching decision that leaves someone feeling dismissed.
Over time, that concern may become a story about the other person: “She thinks her time matters more than mine.” “He never respects my ideas.” Once people begin interpreting every interaction through that story, even an ordinary question can feel like criticism.
Watch for patterns such as teachers avoiding necessary conversations, repeated complaints about the same coworker, strained transitions, or disagreements spilling into spaces where children and families can hear them. These signs deserve a closer look, but they do not prove who is responsible.
The connection between adult workplace conditions and program quality matters. Head Start’s employee engagement and retention guidance identifies a supportive workplace as important to morale and employees’ willingness to stay. Its staff wellness resources also connect adult well-being with the care and nurturing adults provide children.
Look underneath the complaint
“She never helps me” describes frustration, but it does not identify a solvable problem.
What does “help” mean in this classroom? Does one teacher supervise children while the other cleans? Who prepares materials? Who communicates with families? Were those responsibilities ever clearly assigned?
Before deciding that two employees have a personality conflict, examine how their work is organized. Common sources of friction include unclear duties, uneven workloads, inconsistent follow-through, different teaching approaches, and perceived favoritism.
A teacher may be reacting to a real problem while expressing it poorly. Both need attention. You can address disrespectful language and still investigate whether break coverage is unreliable.
Ask yourself: “Is this a disagreement between people, a problem with our systems, or both?”
Make it possible to raise a concern early
When staff believe they will be dismissed as negative or difficult, concerns may surface only after frustration has built.
“We are a positive team” should leave room for someone to say, “This routine is not working,” or “I need help with how my coworker speaks to me.” A team needs a dependable way to raise concerns before they become a crisis.
Explain how staff can request a private conversation and what they can expect next. When someone brings a concern, start with: “Thank you for bringing this to me. Tell me specifically what happened so I can understand what needs attention.”
Listening does not require accepting every interpretation as fact. It means taking the concern seriously enough to understand it.
Listen without becoming the messenger
Directors can become exhausted carrying complaints between employees: “She said you did not clean the tables.” “Well, tell her I was changing a child.” Every exchange adds another opportunity for misunderstanding.
Begin with questions that separate observations from assumptions:
What specifically happened?
What did you see or hear?
How did it affect the work?
Has this happened before?
What would help resolve the concern?
Do not automatically require an employee to confront a coworker before you will listen. They may need coaching, there may be a power imbalance, or the concern may require leadership action.
After gathering information, decide whether to clarify a procedure, coach someone individually, facilitate a conversation, or take a more formal step. Share information only with those who need it to address the concern. Avoid promising complete confidentiality when follow-up may require speaking with others.
Give the conversation time and coverage
A rushed exchange in the hallway rarely gives a difficult conversation the attention it needs. Neither does asking teachers to resolve a disagreement while supervising children.
Arrange appropriate classroom coverage and a private setting. Explain the purpose of the meeting beforehand. A facilitated conversation should help people understand the work problem and agree on next steps, rather than surprise someone with a list of accusations.
Before the meeting, write down what you know, what remains unclear, and which expectations apply. If you are frustrated, take time to prepare your language. Your tone can either make it easier to discuss the issue or make everyone more defensive.
Describe behavior clearly
Labels such as “lazy,” “negative,” and “difficult” give people little direction. Specific descriptions create something you can discuss and change.
Instead of “You have a bad attitude,” try: “During yesterday’s planning meeting, you interrupted your coworker several times and said her suggestion was ridiculous. We need to discuss concerns without personal comments.”
Instead of “You two need to get along,” try: “You need to exchange classroom information, ask for support respectfully, and complete the responsibilities we agree on.”
When the facts are still uncertain, make that clear: “I have received different accounts of what happened during cleanup. I want to understand each person’s experience before deciding what needs to happen.”
Being specific helps you remain fair. It also makes your expectations easier to follow.
Help teachers move from blame to requests
Teachers may need practice expressing a concern without attacking someone’s character. One useful structure is:
“When this happens, it affects our work in this way. Can we agree on this next step?”
For example: “When the art materials are left out at closing, I have to put them away before preparing breakfast activities. Can we agree on who checks the art area before leaving?”
That request is easier to respond to than “You always leave everything for me.”
The other person also needs room to explain: “I thought you wanted me to stay with the remaining children while you closed the art area.” That response may reveal an expectation problem rather than deliberate unwillingness.
Clear language will not resolve every disagreement. It gives the discussion a more useful starting point.
Work through one issue at a time
Imagine two preschool teachers, Maya and Elise. Maya says she handles every difficult transition. Elise says Maya corrects her in front of the children.
Starting with “Who is the problem?” pushes the conversation toward defending reputations. Instead, examine a specific transition. What was each teacher doing? What support was needed? How was it requested? What happened next?
You might find that responsibilities were unclear and that public criticism made cooperation harder. Both issues can be addressed without deciding that one person is entirely right and the other entirely wrong.
Keep the conversation focused: “Today we are working on the transition after outdoor play and how you communicate during it. We will record other concerns and decide how to address them separately.”
If someone becomes overwhelmed, pause and arrange a clear time to continue. A pause should help the conversation become productive; it should not allow the issue to disappear.
Turn the discussion into a workable agreement
“Communicate better” is a goal, but it is not a complete plan.
For Maya and Elise, an agreement could specify that one teacher leads the children inside while the other completes the outdoor check according to program procedures. They confirm responsibilities before the transition. Routine feedback is discussed privately, while immediate safety concerns are addressed promptly.
The director might also provide a written transition procedure and check whether staffing arrangements support it. Leadership should take responsibility for the conditions it controls.
Before ending the meeting, identify what each person will do, what support will be provided, when the changes begin, and when progress will be reviewed. Ask each teacher to describe the agreement in their own words so misunderstandings can be corrected.
Follow up before frustration returns
The meeting is the beginning of the change. Follow-up shows whether the agreement works during a busy day.
At the agreed time, ask: “What has improved?” “What is still difficult?” “Are responsibilities clearer?” “What adjustment would help?” Consider observations and work outcomes alongside each person’s account.
A practical adjustment may be needed. If someone repeatedly disregards a clear expectation, additional coaching or the program’s established accountability process may be appropriate.
Keep objective records consistent with your personnel procedures. Record the concern, relevant facts, expectations, support offered, and follow-up. Avoid speculative comments about motives or personality.
Recognize when a joint conversation is inappropriate
Some concerns require immediate protective action or a formal response. Child safety concerns, threats, harassment, discrimination, and retaliation should not be treated as ordinary disagreements to be settled by asking coworkers to compromise.
Use the applicable safeguarding, reporting, and personnel processes. Seek qualified guidance when needed. Staff must be able to bring serious concerns to leadership without being required to confront the person involved first.
Likewise, repeated misconduct needs leadership attention. A dependable teacher should not become responsible for continually absorbing someone else’s disrespect because they are considered “the mature one.”
Build everyday habits that support teamwork
Conflict prevention happens through ordinary routines. Clarify classroom duties. Explain how coverage decisions are made. Provide a consistent way to request help. Give new staff explicit instruction instead of expecting them to figure out unwritten rules.
Brief check-ins can uncover a problem early: “What is making our classroom work harder this week?” Choose a manageable issue, act on it, and report back. Head Start’s staff wellness action planning guidance recommends regular communication, clear timelines, and monitoring progress as leaders implement improvements.
Avoid using a “no gossip” message to shut down concerns. Define the conduct you expect, such as avoiding personal attacks and protecting confidential information, while preserving appropriate reporting and staff discussions about workplace concerns.
Model the same standards. Acknowledge a missed commitment. Explain a changed decision. Give feedback privately. When your decision contributed to a problem, say so and identify what you will change.
Begin with one unresolved issue
Think about a concern that keeps returning in your program. What do you actually know? Which expectations need clarification? Who needs a private conversation? What would a fair, observable improvement look like?
You do not have to repair every relationship in one meeting. Start with one issue and follow through.
A stronger childcare team develops when people can raise concerns, leaders respond fairly, and agreements become everyday practice. Each time you help your staff work through a disagreement with clarity and respect, you strengthen the conditions in which teachers teach, children learn, and families build trust.
Put These Strategies into Practice
Ready to work through staff conflict with a clearer plan?
From Conflict to Connection: Building a Stronger Childcare Team is a self-paced online course for childcare directors and owners. Explore realistic childcare scenarios, practice productive conversation language, and create a plan for agreements and follow-up.
The course includes six downloadable leadership handouts, a knowledge quiz, and a reflective application activity.
Earn 2 clock hours of self-instructional training upon successful completion of the required coursework and assessment.
Wild About Learning | www.wildaboutlearning.net
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